The older Mrs. Carroll, the mom is still my teacher.  Ms. Carroll isn't coming back until after Christmas.  A very good thing happened today.  The baddest kid the the class left.  He moved.  He was the baddest kid ever.  We were all happy except for the teacher.  She was sad.
I read my book to Mrs. Carroll, she said "good."  I just read it perfectly.
James is like a mom.  You know why?  Bobby and I play with him at recess and we ask him who he likes better and he says- I like you both the same.   That is like a mom.
I played with Zander today too and I imagined transformers.  The weather man was wrong and we had to play inside.


Ahoy-  It's been awhile 1. because Jackson doesn't have much to say about school anymore unless I drill and bribe him 2. because I keep forgetting to carry a pen and paper with me in the car on our way to swim practice directly after school.  Anyways, I'll catch you up real quick- Ms. Carroll had shoulder surgery so her veteran teacher mom is taking over until she returns after Christmas.  She is the same.  I found out while visiting the classroom during morning meeting that it is imperative to Jackson's social health that Santa bring him a DS for Christmas.  75% of "news" was related to either getting a DS or playing a DS.  J talked about seeing fish in a pond.  Maybe it's not that important.  Obviously Santa is torn.

Special Edition- Drug Awareness Week

This week is Drug Awareness Week and naturally, I was curious as to how one begins to teach 5 year olds to "Just say No."

Here are Jackson's answers to a few questions:

What are drugs?
Well they are really bad things.  They are the worst bad thing.


What do drugs look like?
They don't have eyes.  Ms. Carroll said they don't have eyes, but maybe they do.  


Who does drugs?
I don't know.  Nobody will ever know.  


Where are drugs?
If you go into a dark spooky cave with no light at all and no flashlight you will find them there.  


If you find drugs what do you do with them?
You throw them into a fire.  The blue kind because that is the hottest.  


I can definitely rest peacefully tonight knowing my child has been educated.  Jackson on the other hand, may be up all night wondering when the big bad drugs, with or without eyes are going to climb out of their deep dark cave to pay him a visit.


*Guess who didn't move away.... J.Vincent! Today we went on a field trip and boy was I surprised to see his giant 5 year old self (since Jackson told me he moved) hop off the bus.   Jackson didn't totally make it up, he was sick a few days last week.

Sometimes I wish kindergarten was as long as preschool.  It's a long time.  On the bus all the kids call a hill roller coaster hill and now Mr. T (bus driver) calls it that too.  I live at the bottom of roller coaster hill.  J.Vincent's last day was Monday.  He moved.  Whenever Mattie gets to sit on the bench she won't let me sit there.  She only lets girls sit with her and that's not fair.  I don't really want to sit with all the girls though.  You know the kitty bowls we made in art?  I know what we are going to do with them.  Put googly eyes on them and paint them.  I know because I saw Ms. Smith's class with theirs.  At snack today, did you pack me something like pirate juice?

Ahoy- We haven't seen Jackson get hung up on being allowed to do things that the "girls" are doing... ever.  He really has a thing for that Mattie.  I got word from Mattie's mom that he did in fact write "I like Mattie because she's pretty" in her Mate of the Week book.
Our first parent/teacher conference happened yesterday.  Jackson is a perfectionist.  His perfectionism (at school only) annoys (not her word) his teacher because he requires her to restate any and all directions to him personally.  Academically he's doing great.  He has the attention span of me (shared with a fly) and Chris's perfectionism complex.  Weird combination.  We'll see how it pans out.  We still like him... a lot.      

I have a report in my backpack.  Is it a good report?  I know it's going to be a good report.  Ms. Carroll said Riley is going to have a bad report because she was doing things like standing on her chair and not listening and stuff. This week is Matties time to be "Mate of the Week."   I'm gonna write about her this- I like Mattie because she's pretty.  I'm going to say that when we have to write something about the "Mate of the Week."  Today I made Trevor and Joey laugh because I repeated everything they said and banged my crayon box and folder together.  Firemen came to our class and said we need an escape plan.  One's name was Fireman Brad but I don't remember the other guys.  Firemen have this alarm thingy that is on their suits that if they stop moving and are like hurt in a building, it goes off.  He said they look like they have ants in their pants but they are trying to keep the alarm from going off.  Can you please put my towel in my  backpack because I don't want to have to rest at my table forever and ever every day?  I also need you to pack me a drink with my snack. Write those on your hand.  

Ahoy-The report was good, but not good enough for the academic perfectionist in our family.  I'm happy.  I started changing names of kids in Jackson's class, just in case.  There are a few I have yet to change because J talks about them a lot.  I will.  I have yet to come up with a fire escape plan other than lift up your window and kick the screen out.  I should be more thorough.  I remember thinking my own parents were irresponsible for not having escape maps drawn up and drop ladders in every room.      

What Jackson has to say about Monday and Fun Run Friday Recap

You know how I was at the circle table?  Well now I'm not anymore.  I'm at the diamond table.  It's awesome! There are all boys.  Dominic, Houston and Taylor R sit with me.  I got to pick from the treasure box today because if you look at my sheet it's all green stoplights (referring to staying on green all through the month of September).   Some boys like girl things and some girls like boyish things.  Ashley (his friend's mom) likes Star Wars which is a boy thing.  You know what?  I bet she likes Star Wars because of Princess Lei.  Dominic said he liked my shirt, but I didn't tell him it was brand new.

Yo ho Yo ho- Jackson's mom reporting about last Friday's happenings at the PTA fun run fundraiser.  Parents were invited to join their kids while they walked the track for an hour and played field games for another hour. After a few laps around the track, Jackson, Callie and I ended up in a pack of boys from Ms. Carroll's class.  All the boys introduced Jon- "This is Jon, he speaks Chinese.  Knee, How." Jon just looked at me and sang his ABC's.  I like him.  From what I saw they are really nice to each other, which is weird because I think girls start being mean much earlier.  Callie was two.  Everyone seemed to like Jackson, which was relief since he seems indifferent to having friends.  J.Vincent spent most of the morning hanging with Callie, Jackson and I.  They are "Rob and Big" as kindergartners (if you've never seen that show on MTV you must google it.)  When the DJ played a non mainstream Michael Jackson song while the kids were supposed to be filling buckets with water via a tiny sponge, J.Vincent stopped and sang every word while executing accurate but not obscene MJ dance moves.  You go Jackson! Way to pick awesome friends.    

Gold coinless

I didn't get a gold coin today.  I was too slow doing my work.  I am slow at coloring but I did my best.  One time Ms. Carroll told me my coloring was good for being inside the lines but it looked like I scribbled. I don't want to get distracted when I get work, but sometimes I do.  It will be okay if I can't go to the treasure box on Friday.  I was quite as an owl.  On the bus one of the rules is that you can't change your seat, but when the bus driver wasn't looking I really fast changed mine.  That way I got to sit closer to Emma.  He didn't even see me.  I was so fast and quiet.

Blimey! - Jackson was all about telling on himself today-slow worker, scribbler, unfocused, bus rule breaker...  He was kind of acting like a bad a$%, all excited to tell me about the bus rule breakage.

Morning News

Today Mattie's morning news was funny.  She said she ate a purple DS.  How is that even possible?  How could she eat a DS? Ms. Carroll said she didn't think anyone could eat a DS.  Guess what my morning news was?  I told about the time that I went to Mill Mountain Zoo and caught a skink.  Then I got to tell everyone what a skink was.  I said it is a tiny lizard with a blue tail, then I laughed. It is close to being a cousin with a lizard, they are a lot alike.  Ms. Carroll counts, 5,4,3,2,1 then you have to pass the bean bag and your morning news is over.  That really does happen in kindergarten.

I learned today that you never read books at the table with food.  A hedgehog did it and she got in big trouble because she got chocolate milk and raspberry on the book.  Raspberry jelly.  She put it in the washing machine but that torn the book up.  The book went to the book hospital and it was okay.  There were lots of books in the book hospital.

Everyone stayed on green but we didn't get a gold coin because we were all too loud today.  

Ahoy- For those of you who don't know, a DS is in reference to a handheld Nintendo game that only kindergartner's with older siblings have and the rest of them get one for Christmas.  At least that's what it seems like.  Anyways, it's big and Mattie definitely didn't eat a purple one.  Jackson loves morning news and it terrifies me.  I may have to start plugging morning news ideas before he leaves the house just to make sure none of our deep, dark family secrets gets to kindergarten.
I'm pretty sure the stoplight behavior system is going to graduate a whole generation of kids with an aversion to red and yellow and a love for green.  Jackson is already avoiding all things red and gravitating towards anything green.  It's time for me to go come up with some green silly-bandish toy and make my millions.  

Owies

I had to teach Bobby about owies today.  I had to because he got hurt, he fell.  I just told him some things, but I don't want to tell you what I said.  Bobby shouldn't have gotten Ms. Carroll to get the nurse.  It was a really bad owie.   Tyler wrote on his desk with crayon.  Me and Mattie were going to tell but then Tyler told Ms. Carroll and she made him go to change his card to yellow.  Ms. Carroll brought her dog to school.  Her name was Max and you know what?  Max loves cheese.  When Ms. Carroll gets cheese out to give to her, her ears go up like this and she looks like a fox.

Ahoy, me Hearties: 
At first I figured Jackson was being a total bad a@# and thought Bobby shouldn't go to the nurse unless he was seriously injured or dying.  I pictured him saying- Yo Bobby, buck up.  But then Jackson said he considered the "owie" a bad one.  Why the secrets Jackson? 
I'm gonna blame Mattie for the tattling.  Girls.  
We got our two positives and a negative at Back to School night after the ambush PTA meeting.  
1. Jackson is very knowledgeable about bugs and animals 
2. Jackson is very smart. 
Negative- Jackson doesn't like doing seat work due to his poor fine motor skills and weak hand muscles.  I call that evolution.  Who needs to be able to write anymore? He's a super evolver.  He's going to Harvard on scholarship for sure.         

Body fluids.

A kid got a bloody nose.  There was blood dripping out.  He got that situation taken care of.  I liked recess today best.  It was fun but my bladder was really full.  My tummy hurt during recess because my bladder was so full.  Do you know what a bladder is?  It is in the bottom of your tummy, right here (points) and it holds your pee until you pee it out.  It reminds you when it gets too full to go pee.  I peed a little tiny bit in my pants but nobody knew.   My teacher didn't even know and my friends didn't know because it was just a tiny tiny little bit.  Everybody stayed on green today.  I thought some people would get on yellow or red but they didn't.

Avast ye-
Chris (Dad) and Jackson discussed anatomy and bladders yesterday, obviously.  When Jackson learns a new word he uses it A LOT.  I tried to figured out why recess was enjoyable for him if the entire time he had to pee so bad his stomach hurt.  At least he didn't do what he does when he has to pee outside at home.  I must have done something right.  Or maybe the time he pulled down his pants and peed in the center of a busy park and tried to call me mom afterwards while I swiftly walked away got the point across.

TOMORROW IS BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT.  

Principal's office and sticky fingers

Today was the first day a kid went to the Principals office! That is the baddest thing that happens to you if you are bad. Michael hit Ben so he went.  What if a kid is good and he goes? I did not sit next to Ben at lunch and that was good. James was near me but he got moved. If we behave in the cabateria like we did today we will not get ice cream tomorrow. One girl said she was a buyer but she really was a packer. I want to be a buyer.

A scurvy dog he be!- Yesterday a little fart named Ben stole one of Jackson's fruit snacks at lunch.  I suppressed the mama bear in me (he was pretty upset) and we worked out some strategies to avoid the situation tomorrow (yes I know it was only one fruit snack, but they are a BIG DEAL in our house). Turns out, yesterday he had to sit at the "I have peanut butter in my lunch" table with Ben. Here I was thinking I didn't have to worry about my kid being ostracized at lunch because he came out food allergy free. Looks like the tables have turned folks.  Jackson loves peanut butter enough to keep on sitting at the special table, he told me so. Anyways... we packed a knife in his lunch box, it was plastic but serrated. I kid. We figured he could eat the gummies while holding the bag to avoid Ben's literally and figuratively sticky fingers.

About buying lunch- Sorry buddy.  Until I stop seeing Sea Nuggets and Fried Salsbury Steak with Gravy on the menu the answer is a big fat NO.  I do promise to pack you more interesting lunches to keep your eyes off the tater tots and mystery fried veggies.

Ring Sorrows

Ms. Carroll said I can't wear my ring, it's too small and I can't wear it anymore. She doesn't know I'm sad because I didn't cry at school. I put it in my crayon box.
The letter of the week is what you can guess. It goes errrrrrr. My j team won in music today. We had the most kids whose names start with j. 4- J.Vincent, Jayce, me and I don't remember. It was so so so wet outside so we had music instead of recess.

Blimey!- He held in his tears over the ring until he got off the bus. Now that is the heart breaking "mom of a kindergartener" stuff I dreaded. It's the ring he got out of the treasure chest week one. It never came off. That is, until it started cutting into his finger and trying to become a permanent decoration. Good call Ms. Carroll. I dropped the ball on that one. I should probably keep it to myself that I noticed on more than one occasion that his finger looked fatter under the ring, but forgot to investigate. After a few tears he moved and we played Legos. Also, I seriously doubt music replaced recess and thank the good Lord we began his name with a J.

Bodyguard

The tallest kid in my class is Bobby.  J.Vincent is tall too.  There are two Tylers.  I like Tyler R.  He is about my size.  We watched a movie, Winnie The Pooh.  We pretend the bus is a roller coaster and do you know when?  When we go to MY house!  All the kids on the bus yell WEEEEEEE.

Avast- Jackson didn't have much to say today.  Perhaps because he has been up at 5:30 am most days this week.  Delightful.  I have something to say though, two things actually- 1. I saw J. Vincent and he is the size of an 8 year old with a lineman's build 2. He chased Jackson off the bus to give him his backpack so I love him.   Jackson has gone and found his smaller than average, just turned five self a giant bodyguard of a friend that disregards bus rules because backpacks are important.  I hope Jackson is always this good at choosing friends.            

The Real Pretty Girl

I got a dagger sticker because everyone in my class was like yelling across the room and fighting and stuff and the circle table wasn't. The real pretty girl Mattie sits at the circle table. I talked to her when my eye felt like it had something in it. I showed it to her (pulling his lower lid down)and she said it looked red but I told her that's how all eyes look. They have red. Ms. Carrol once told me I am the best because I picked up her marker.

Ahoy- While Jackson brings up Mattie, I do ask leading questions, and most of the statements compiled above (on any given post actually) are his answers to my questions asked throughout the afternoon smooshed together. As you can tell J is pretty proud of the fact that Ms. Carroll told him he's "the best." When is the right time to let him know that people often say that and it doesn't actually mean he is the best in the class? I know he isn't, because Robert reads chapter books and does fourth grade math. I joined the PTA today and am heading to JCPenny in the morning to buy high waisted tapered jeans, a few turtlenecks and white Keds. Chris joined too but he doesn't know it.

The Best

Today Ms. Carroll said "Jackson you are the best." I picked up her marker for her. You know the really pretty girl? Her name is Mattie. I played with J. Vincent.

Favorite part of school-outside

Letter of the week- S "I am really getting better at writing s."

Yo Ho- Have I mentioned I LOVE KINDERGARDEN! Jackson is nice to his sister when he comes home, he walks the dog happily and makes up games to play with c in the bouncy house. This is not normal. My kids are not sweet. They are funny and wild and a little weird. I'll have you know again that I know that these good times shall pass, but for now I am soaking them up like that oil covered leather bag lady soaks up the sun at Radford city pool.

Chatty

You know what's my favorite toy that's outside?  The monkey bars!  You get to do spider man stuff and flips.  Today I played with J. Vincent except he got on yellow.  I don't remember why but I saw him get on yellow.  I got on yellow once.  It was the day before, the day before.  I forgot to tell you.  I forgot about it but I fought with towels.  I got back on green.  Purple is the baddest one, it means timeout.  If you try to go back to green, you have to go to red then yellow then green.  And I learned something else.  Mama might not like this just like she doesn't like me to watch Star Wars.  It is dangerous to climb trees.  It's just a rule that Simon said, a Safety Simon says.


Swabbing the Deck-  I love it when Jackson climbs trees.  Safety Simon can take his rules and shove it. Every time Jackson mentioned his new friend J. Vincent I let him know he probably had the name wrong and it was probably just Vincent.  He disagreed politely and told me the kid has a J on his backpack.  I figured Vincent's mother shops at the Company store outlet down the street, and like a few of my friends and I, let's her kids run around with backpacks embroidered with other kids names.   Not true.  I found the roster.  Sorry Jackson and J. Vincent for that matter.  I'm pretty sure it'd be cost effective for the school system to install one way mirrors in kindergarten classrooms and charge parents admission to the viewing room.  I'd pay.

Gym

The most favorite part of today was gym.  The most hated part of today was gym.  We had exercise! You know what the most funnest exercise was? Bowling! I love bowling!  It's the most funnest exercise there was there.  You know how when you don't know what to do and you put your feet on the wall and do them like this (puts feet up on wall in a handstand)?  When I didn't know what to do, I did that.  She walked over, and raised her eyebrows up and said "stop." Then she told me what to do.

I like blood because it's just kinda like a bat suck and I like bats.  (Did I mention this kid is weird but I love him anyways?)

In reference to the prettiest girl in his class-Her hair was back today, like yours.  No barrettes.

Manning the ship-  I am feeling very blessed because Jackson enjoys kindergarten.  It's not a struggle to get him on the bus, he talks about school (I bribe) and is a happy kid when he gets home.  I know this can be short lived so I am rolling in it like Tucker rolls in dog s#$%.  

   

Journals and potential future girlfriends

Shockingly Chris and Jackson aren't concerned with getting an- in his own words, first hand account of kindergarten.  They talked about kindergarten while I was slaving in the kitchen cooking the usual (completely organically homegrown and made from scratch dinner).  Both were punished.  Moving on, this is what made it over the sound of the organic homemade things cooking:

They wrote in journals.  Not about feelings.  Just about the letter M.  And by write I mean drew pictures of things that started with the letter M.  He liked that.  Chris asked a leading question about Music class and Jackson told him he went.  Upon further investigation, he didn't. He went to library.  The book in his backpack being the evidence.  Jackson loves books, therefore he loves library.  Recess is still the all time best part of the day.  Today he learned to do a flip on the monkey bars.  Lastly, there's this girl.  Short blonde hair, blue eyes, wears dresses.  She caught his eye.  He's going to try and talk to her tomorrow.  

Not as good as yesterday...

Today was Good. Not as good as yesterday because I already done it.
Favorite thing about today- doing the thing spiderman does at the playground on the monkey bars. One kid said "woah you're like spiderman" two-times. I didn't have any friends today. (Insert very accurate Wookie sounds here.)
Least favorite thing about today- I hated art.

Comments from the true Captian- Ever hung out with a third grade girl? We have one today. She rode the bus home with Jackson because my neighbor, her mom, is working later than usual. Anyways, they like to talk. A.L.O.T. She followed my lead by asking J questions about his day but the only response she got was a high-pitched "muff muff." J has proved himself a true spawn of Chris by hating art and enjoying recess above all else. His art from today includes a lot of blank space (an invisible dragon I suppose) and a few spots of glued on red sparkles.

He's happy and that's all that matters.

Happy Day

Kindergarden is like being inside an imperial walker, just fun!  (The next sentence was sung to the tune of the Imperial March) We painted our hands and made our handprint too-oo-oo-oo.  I learned a new silly word for penis, wiener.  I made a friend, but I don't know his name.  He has brown skin and short hair like mine, but not as short as mine.  He played blocks with me.  I learned the silly word for penis from the boy that sat near me at lunch.  I stayed on green.  I am afraid of getting in trouble around anybody that's not my parents.  Kindergarten Rocks! I love it! It's awesome!  

Notes from the true captain of this ship- Jackson's posting was a compilation of information I gathered from him in the two hours after he got home from kindergarten.  I was unsuccessful in getting him to actually sit and dictate, weird.  I did however, do my best to post in the order that the information came to me which can also be weird.